It was early September and Elizabeth was only a few weeks old. I was waiting on a nurse to come by from the hospital that Elizabeth was born at. I scrubbed my house so good that a true OCD person would be proud! I scheduled my morning like someone who can run a marathon. The nurse was scheduled to arrive at 10 am and of course nothing had been done the day before to prepare. Meaning I’m freaking out trying not to look like I’m freaking out. I think I was pretty successful. I had every dust particle swept up and every eyelash in its place by 9:45. So I waited and sipped on coffee. I wait a long time, well after 10.
As you can already guess by now, she never showed up. I was absolutely livid. Now, not only has she wasted my time today but she was the reason I was freaking out. I was freaking out trying not to look like I was incapable of taking care of my new baby. It’s a very familiar feeling because ever since I lost my vision, people doubted my abilities to do a lot of things that I have done. As soon as I noticed someone doubting my ability to do something, I took that ‘something’ to great lengths. I can’t help it. Doubting me really posses me off. I guess you can say it is my main source of motivation. So when ‘miss I can’t keep my schedule straight’, wants to suddenly and awkwardly offer my child milestone test, after I tell her I’m vision impaired – you better believe I’ll be the best little mommy you’ll ever see.
Although this particular person wasn’t the motivation behind me writing Blind Mom 805, she joins a sea of people that have all contributed to a very annoying lifelong anxiety problem. So you can say thank you to the idiots whom supply me with content for you to read and the intense feeling that you are sitting in front of your tv watching Dr. Phil or eating a bowl of coocoo puffs.